It feels like Suffocation, Baby
by pmu
Summary: Bloody bandages and a dying imprint - will you still love me? This is the end. *Sequel to You're my ugly Imprint, Baby


**Authors Note: Rated M for a reason - strong angst, emotional damage and sexual content. Final installment of the "The Baby Saga: Leah and Jacob". Make sure you read, "Map me with Bruises, Baby" and "You're my ugly Imprint, Baby" first. **

**Set five years later after You're my ugly Imprint, Baby. Enjoy guys. **

* * *

I feel boxed in, in your presences _my sweet Jacob_.

You can say nothing and I can stand alone across the room and the feel of suffocation still settles in around me. It spreads like fire, surrounding me, keeping me grounded to you with no escape route.

But you're not coming to me, you are not seeking me out but you're not running away from me either.

You once told me, that I donned the forest of La Push as if it belonged to me. And that if I wanted it, you would give it to me on a silver platter and no one would ever set foot inside it again if that's what I wanted.. That there would be no line you would not cross for me because there is nothing without me in your world.

Our imprint was brutal; there is nothing beautiful about our love story. It's the aftermath of our destruction that it turned into something special to share to the world.

...

"Jacob…" I whisper to you and your eyes clamp down on mine, our bodies lay still against each other. Your fingers can still burn my flesh as you let them graze over my hip, rolling me over on top of you. You can still make me scream your name but how many times can I fuck you into submission before the dam breaks and things come full circle.

Our imprint is dying because I can never give you the one thing that drives an imprint. A child.

I don't know if our love is strong enough to survive this, if in the end you still want me the way I want you. Will I even survive? Sam stole my heart once; you tapped it back together with bloody bandages but stole something much worse. My soul and there is no fixing that.

You say you don't feel it _our imprint slowly fading away_ but you are lying.

"Leah." You push my name out your mouth and drive me onto your thick cock with a harsh grip against my bruised skin. My toes curl as I sit on top of you, feeling you buried inside me. Every minute of this is precious to me because it can all slip away.

Your fingers tighten on spots that you have mapped with your touches from all our previous entanglements. I hiss out in pain but it doesn't stop you or me from wanting this. Rough digits rock me against you like a mad man. My hands clamp down on your shoulders; I can smell blood seeping through under my nails. You growl out in pain and frustration as I take control, slowing this moment down between us.

I want to feel all of this, soak it up and bath in it later.

Rolling my hips, your finger tips find another spot, another trail of fresh blue and green you left behind from the last time. You have a fascination with the flesh beneath my breast, covering my ribs. I have a perfect bruise in the shape of your lips.

"Please Leah…" You beg me, bending your legs behind us and your hips trust up. Pain flutters beneath the pleasure you just caused me. You want more, need more and so do I.

"Okay.." I tell you, rocking my hips one last time upwards, watching the way you suck in your bottom lip at the friction it causes against your cock. It's beautiful, that look on your face.

Your hands touch my face and you pull me down until my lips press against yours. Your lips are soft and gentle, melting against mine in this sloppy kiss as your hold starts to shake against my jaw. Trimmers work through your body and tears slip from my eyes.

It's emotional and we are not ready to deal with it yet.

**That** cable is shifting inside my heart and the whole is coming unplugged. I can feel gravity _not you_ pulling me down and I hate it. I pull my lips from yours and I know within this second you felt it too – our imprint is dying.

Anger flickers inside you though and I know that is my queue to give you what you need right now, to let you have me however you can. You make quick work of my body, flipping me on my hands and knees and driving into me from behind. It feels like needles as your hip bones touch bite marks left on my ass from the last time.

It doesn't stop you though and I don't want it too.

Harder and harder you drive into me and I can feel that tingling sensation creep between my legs, spreading across my lower _empty_ belly. You are rougher this time, hands tightening over my front thighs as you grunt against my own body pushing back to meet your demands.

I let you do this; I am letting you do this because your body looks no better than mine. If we where human our bodies would have been diminished by now.

I can feel myself coming undone, it's like a pulse beating inside me between my legs and I try to say something, say your name but I am broken and your name is caught in my throat. My senses are in over drive and you are still not done. I can't take it anymore though, the pain is out weighing the pleasure now. I try to crawl away but you hold me tighter reminding me you need this, this moment too.

"Jacob .. no." I finally make a noise as I pant and crawl away from you, feeling empty now inside as my body brakes away from you. "Leah … I'm sor…" you try to apologies and you mean every bit of it.

" Don't!" I snap at you and I can see water painting your face in small trails going nowhere but down. You try to say you're sorry but I will not let you, there is nothing to be sorry about. You look defeated and I hate it.

"Just…. lay down…" I stammer to find the right words and you do as I tell you. It will be easier this way, this time. I maybe a shiftier but you are far more stronger than me – no matter if all I want is teeth and bruises right now just so I can remember every second of it.

Crawling over you and working my way down, I look at the fresh scars from my teeth along your hip bones. That infamous v is so delicious on you, licking them I catch sight of your fingers curling the sheets into a tight lock. You suck in a deep breath and it excites me I can turn you on so much from that.

I move my lips to your cock and I note the bruises on your inner thighs from my fingers and maybe even a gentle nip. Your hands go to my hair like second nature as I take you fully into my mouth. Sucking as I lift my head up your hips jerk upwards, wanting to keep everything inside my mouth. I let you, relishing in your thighs tightening under my hands. Pacing my movements, I want you too slowly come undone.

It doesn't take long though before my fingers dig into your flesh, kneeing between your muscles as you hold my head in place while I feel that all too familiar throb coming from you as you let everything go. Pulling my lips back from your skin I can taste you and feel you as I let go of your cock while your cum drips down the side of your shaft.

Breathless and out of your mind, you reach for me like a child. I collapse against you, rolling onto my back and my face touches your side where your hips narrow down when I turn my head. I can't face your eyes, I can't see how you will look at me now because this time it was different.

I felt it. It's broken.

Right now, I am loving you with blind eyes as I try to hold onto this time between us because anything can happen now.

"I still love you. Please Leah … " You cry to me, hands latching onto my body in awkward position as you pull me up to finally face you. You no longer have to love me, I am not your imprint. It is not driven inside us to be with each other. We no longer need each other to simply survive.

I can walk away and so can you. And that scares the hell out of me.

You take hold of my chin and I look at you. Watery eyes filled with rage at what has happened tells me you do love me but for how long? "Jacob… " I say with a shaky voice. You kiss me softly for the first time in weeks. No teeth, no tongue, just soft lips and warm hands.

I need this, you need this.

* * *

You are not my imprint, there is no center stage.

No longer can you bring me down if you walk off stage. There is nothing holding us back from hating each other again. But it doesn't work like that, I was your imprint and I gave you my soul, so neatly in the palm of your hand. And I know if I was to ask for it back you would give it to me, but I don't want it. Not even to trade you back for yours.

Because right now, I am your husband and you are my wife.

I look down at my hand, at the gold band circling around my finger and I know within my heart it was the right move. You are the right move; I was just too blind before hand to see that. You haven't phased since the imprint broke, you are wishing on false pretenses that if you stop you will gain something back that our world took away from you.

Your womanhood.

You think that if you get pregnant that this defective imprint will be reborn between inside us.

I don't want it though!

I just want you and you alone. And I need you to phase, I need you to live for forever with me because I have a job, a birthright I can no longer run from. I am the Chief and I must protect our people and our lands. And you cannot leave me to do this alone. I am only half a man without you.

I watch you sleep from the corner of our room; I am not ready yet to crawl into bed with you. I don't want to take you again, I don't want to tarnish your body but every time I try to move next to you your body attacks mine. I know it's out of desperation so I let you, but not tonight. I want to watch you sleep and then when I know there is no chance of you waking, I will gather you into my arms and hold you.

I know the fear lurking inside you, you try to keep it at bay but it haunts your dreams now. It makes that whole feel more real inside your heart. Just a week ago you tried to leave me.

... "_Leah … what are you doing? Where are you going!" His temper peeking through cracked glass that is his heart. _"_I'm sorry Jacob … I can't… I can't do this again.. " She tries to sound more convincing but fails to even look him in the eyes. Her back just a foot away from the front door, so close to escaping._

"_No!" His hand grabs her bags, tugging them out of her hand as she stands her ground. They crash against the wall behind him, a framed picture of them on their wedding day comes crashing down on the floor._

"_You said no more running!" He reaches for her but she sways from his touch, her sluggish body drained from emotions stumbles as she turns to run out the the front door. He circles around her. _"_Please Jacob! Let me go… I can' t… this… " She cries to him, tears kissing her face as she finally looks him in the face._

"_And what about me? You think just because you are not my imprint that you walking away will not kill me?" His voice dominates the air around them._

"_And what happens to me when you wake up and I see eyes that hate me. Eyes that tried to kill me for killing Bella!" She yells at the man holding her heart. _"_Why can't you just leave the past out of this!" His hands clutch her shoulders, fingers pressing into her skin till he can feel her bone._

"_Because our past is not something one can forget!" She says it with conviction and it makes him let go of her, the reality of it hitting him. She hasn't forgotten their past. Maybe he hasn't either. He just keeps it better hidden in the depth of his mind, in the back, behind other bad memories, tucked away neatly behind the death of his mother._

"_Now let me go. Find a better replacement without me witnessing it." Her words add more salt the wound, the rebirth of Leah from over ten years ago is forming in front of his eyes. _"_Do not test me Leah, I am still your Alpha and I will command you to stay here with me. Do not think I will not be that selfish."_

_And like an ignorant moth to a flame she burns her lips against his, That simple act, declaration of love that borderlines on obsession shows just how far he will go to keep her. And that is all she needs, to know she is worth fighting for. Finally..._

* * *

It's been two months since that night and every time I leave I say a prayer that when I come back she will be here. That she will not run and I will not have to Alpha command her back.

I watch her breathing hitch up a notch and a whimper escapes her mouth. She looks so fragile under that thin sheet wearing nothing but an over-sized t-shirt and possibly the sexiest white low cut panties ever. I say ever, because they are wrapped around her and everything that touches her turns into sex.

She makes big shirts and cookie pants sexy.

She is mumbling now and it's more like a soft cry now as tight fingers curl the edge of the sheet in-between them like a death grip.

"Leah.." I whisper out to her, calling her name makes my heart beat a mile faster as I want to fight the demon in her dream and keep her safe even in her dream land. I never want her to cry. Walking slowly over to her my hand reaches out to touch her shoulder as she makes another noise and her body does the slightest movement. Before my fingers can scorch her pretty skin her body jerks upwards and her mouth lingers open as a dry scream escapes her.

Wide eyes clamp on mine and her nails dig into my skin along my forearm. "I'm right here Leah … I'm right here.." I tell her in a soothing voice as I see an emotion paint her face that in simple terms breaks my heart. Wet drops weigh heavy on her lashes as they fall downwards. Crawling into our bed, I manipulate her body into my lap as I rock her like a child in my arms. She cries silent tears and I fight my own, trying to keep my eyes dry.

"I could feel it … this time." She tells me.

"Feel what?" I ask her, my lips move against her hair as I kiss the top of her head.

"The night you imprinted on me. I've been dreaming about it …. but this time I could feel **it**.." She tells me and that scares the hell out of me. It's not the moment we imprinted she is referencing, it's the bad prologue before the main show – before I marked her, before she let Sam bloody my face, before I cried in the woods with her in my arms and Edwards torn remains laid behind us.

She is reliving how she broke my jaw, cracked my sternum - how I mapped her with bruises.

All I can do is rock her and whisper how much I love her. I can't tell her it's a bad dream, because it's not. It's our past and our beginning no matter how ugly it was."Tell me you still love me Jacob." She ask me and that alone has me sending tears down my face. "I will love you till the end of time Leah." I whisper back to her and every word is true. So I hold her close and let sleep take over us both.

* * *

..."_Dear Jacob,_

_This love, it feels like suffocation and I can't breathe. So please set me free. Do not Alpha command me to come back. "_

_Leah ..._

My world is crashing down on me like falling bricks. Each of her words on this note is like another ton hitting me, pounding against my flesh and beating my heart to a ugly pulp. I thought after last night, that this morning would be brighter. I told her I loved her, I held her close. Yet somewhere between sleep and this morning she slipped out.

Already it hurts to breathe but I can not wait for her to return when she sees that imprinting means nothing to me, only her love does.

I will track her down, bring her back and then nail her to floor to keep her next to me. Love is a dangerous game to play and she made the wrong move. I don't care that our love is suicidal without the other one and borderline obsessive with each other. Because normalcy went out the door the day I imprinted on her.

Leah Black it is time you learn that your place is by my side – imprint or not.

I can imprint a thousand times and it will not matter, because they will never be you. You are my beginning, the middle and my end. I am not your Sam, and you will not be my Bella. I will fight for you and you will choose me.

* * *

"Did you really think you could just leave so easily?! " I scream at her, standing in the middle of the road blocking her path. Meeting her car head on with nothing but shorts on and a look that I hope pains her to no end.

_It's a beautiful day for them to fight, the sky is hateful and already tearing up with rain drops ready to pour down as black clouds hover over them._

"Jacob, please! You have to let me go… I can't do this… not again." Her voice cracks as she stands behind the opened drivers car door. I know this fight all too well. But tonight will be the last time we fight over it.

"I am not Sam!" I tell her with sternness and a warning growl. It makes her scared of me for the first time ... well since **that** night that neither of us neither speak about. "You can't promise me that Jacob and you know it." She tries to sound strong, she doesn't want to cry. I can see her fighting the emotions stirring inside her.

"You are my wife Leah, those rules do not apply to us. I do not need a child with you to carry on my name. I do not need a fucking imprint! All I need is you." I scream at her with nothing but my heart.

"No Jacob." She tells me, digging for her inner strength and commanding her legs to work again while she tries to get back into her car. She will not leave me tonight, she will never leave.

"You will not leave this land, you will go back home, to our home." My aura pulsates around us and its the first I have ever done this, Alpha commanded Leah. I know she can feel it by just looking into her eye.

"No…" She whispers to me. Her hands grip the car door frame as I walk towards her. Fingers deform the metal strip along the top of the rolled up window before the glass gives way under the bent frame.

All I can hear is her heart beat, not the sound of broken glass kissing the asphalt, not the sound of heavy rain. My hand latches onto the broken door, ripping it from her hold and tossing it like a balled up piece of paper behind myself. It crashes and lightning strikes again.

"I am still your husband. And you I will not let you run away with my heart in your hand Leah. Your place is next to me, fated or not." I try to sound demanding but my words are soft now because I can't look at her with tears running down her face and be that cruel bastard.

"And what will you do when you do imprint? Because I can tell you, the truest nature of my wolf will not hesitate to tear that person apart. She is possessive and territorial. So, what then Jacob? Will you love me still if I kill another human?" She yells at me, trying to provoke a fight to turn it away from love and towards hate.

"Shut up Leah!" My voice roars at her and I don't see her fist until it's driving into nose. I can feel it break from impact as dark red blood splatters against her hand.

She turns to run, but doesn't get far. Four or five steps as her body betrays itself. I watch her legs buckle as she falls, her palms slams into the road. The command holding her in place. Quickly though, I have her folded neatly into my arms. "I told you no more running." I whispers to her.

"You also promised no more bruises" She replies back and it makes my feet feel like cement to ground. "So what do you call this? Because by the end of the day my heart will be black and blue .. "

I should let her go but I can't. Instead I have her body pushed up against a tree inside the woods off the side of the road. "Jacob… please.." She whisper in a soft cry to me. I can't take this, not anymore. It has to end. She can't fight this, deny this - our love.

"You do not get to speak now Leah!" I scream at her with teeth bearing and already I regret this heighten emotion she stirs inside me. I hate that our genetics make us feel something on a higher level, every emotion is amplified. Something no human can ever comprehend. So I hold her tightly and let my body calm down.

Moments pass by as we stay still and the only sound is my rough breathing and her tears.

"You do not get to speak … " I breaks the silence, sounding like a defeated man as all that anger washes off me and I let her go. I can't live without her, but this is worse. Seeing her cry and making her scared of me to just stay. I don't want this.

"You are free." I whispers to her, breaking the command and like a person being shot I fall my knees. I just murdered my own heart.

"Loving you before was like playing in the fire. It was forced and I hated that I needed you so much, that I wanted to burn in your hands. But you made me feel something else … less like a monster… " Her voice goes soft. It's the first time she has spoken about our love in a long time. The beginning of it all.

She looks so fragile as she stands frozen against the tree on shaky legs. "Leah you are no monster." I quickly tell her. She is beautiful, she is feminine and she is human first – not animal.

"But loving you now is like being wrapped in saran-wrap with no holes punched out to suck in air. Just being in the same room with you is feels like suffocation. And when you imprint, I don't think I will make it out of the room alive." Her words hit me and make my heart twist in pain. I move my body against hers before she can run again.

I press my lips against hers, fingers gripping the side of her face as I try to pull the air from her lungs in this kiss. She lets her fingers pull on my short hair, trying to grab fist full's of it and coming up short. I scrap my dry lips against hers and she bites back before diving her tongue back into my mouth. Her legs like a known dance wrap themselves around my waist.

I pull back from her lips, hands letting go of her face, fingers gripping onto her hair as I leaned my forehead against hers.

"I need you more than I can take. I promised you forever, so please … please… do not walk away from me Leah. You said our love feels like suffocation. You are wrong though, our love is by choice now and that is far greater than any imprint." I plead with her.

I let go of her hair and reach behind myself, below her leg and pull something out of my back pocket. It's a folded piece of paper. Worn out and faded, but the ink is still readable. I lower her to the ground, caging her next to tree as she takes the paper from my hand. She has never read it, it has remained buried in wedding album behind the photo of us kissing as husband and wife for the first time. It was our love story that I wrote her on the day of our wedding, I gave it to her at the alter.

I watch her devour it, soaking it up and mouth parting as she breathes heavily and I can hear the sound of her heart changing its beat. Moving slower and almost like a sad love long.

I told her it was the map back to me if she was ever lost.

"I'm not lost anymore.." She whispers back, eyes locked onto mine now. And that's all I need to hear before I crush her body back against mine and take her on the forest floor.

She will stay and I will continue to fight for our love

* * *

**Quick Note: Jacob is the one who imprinted on her and with SM's logic, they imprint on someone who can produce stronger offspring. However it's my story - so if I want to stay true to Leah's character and not have her be able to have kids then that itself would break the imprint. Yes I know the other bit of logic would be, that he shouldn't had imprinted on her in the first place. Well maybe his wolf saw her as the strongest female - you know, Alpha for Alpha. That would be logic, he just didn't know she would be barren.**

**Any ways, make sure you feed the readers heart and leave some reviews. Hope you enjoyed the final installment. **


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